Glee Outspiration...

So Santana didn't choose to be outed...but sometimes I just wish someone would save me the trouble...please do not take this as an endorsement or suggestion to be outed...just sometimes wish it would happen on accident...sort of serendipitous...although happiness might not be immediate...

Out-spiration comes in all kinds of packages

Oh, Out-spiration - in the form of Real L Word's Kelsey Chavarria.  I have a guilty pleasure and it is the Real L Word - Ok, really anything with a lesbian themed storyline...But the Real L Word isn't really the "Real L World" I live in so I find it to be a little lacking in diversity...but I was a huge L Word fan and will continue to watch The Real L Word until something better comes along...who I am kidding, I'll continue to watch it until they stop making new seasons...So today I was once again reading Autostraddle.com and stumbled across an interview with Kelsey Chavarria in which she talks about coming out...It sounds like she had some of the same fears and anxiety that I still face about telling my parents.  Here is what she had to say:

When did you come out?

Well, I knew I was gay probably at a young age. I’m gonna say probably around twelve or thirteen years old. And from there I went to high school in Germany but never came out, but I was always dealing with this inner turmoil, of course. Finally when I moved to California, I got involved with musical theater and my best friend Andrew he was the one that kind of showed me around and I could confide in him cause he was a gay man.  At first I came out as a bisexual and I did a lot of experimenting to figure out who I was as a person. I just came to the realization that I’m gay and I don’t want to be with a man.

How did your parents react?

I was scared to death how they would take it. And me, you know, I’m religious myself. I consider myself a Christian. And I consider myself full of faith. I was dealing with it in ways that weren’t the best…  a lot of drinking to kind of numb what I was going through. I finally came out to my mom when she was dropping me off at the NOH8 Campaign photoshoot.

So, she’s driving me there she’s said “Kelsey, are you dating any men?” and I said “No. You know. No one’s really stuck my fancy.” Something like that.  And then finally there had been so much tension and it’s something that I’d been feeling for such a long period of time that I finally just came out and said “Yes, I’m gay.” And my mom kind of gives me a double look. And I felt a sense of relief that it was out there. At the same point I felt that I was scared just for the way that they might look at me. I still wanted them to see me as Kelsey – their girl that’s fun and outgoing and not weird, you know. Which I feel like a lot of girls go through… they don’t want to look different. They don’t want someone they love to look at them in an awful way. That’s how I came out and that was age 21, a little over two years ago.

Sometimes I too feel like I just want to say it in- I feel like any sort of tension I have would just deflate.  I too worry about the way my parents will look at me...and that's my biggest worry.  I know they love me and I know that won't change...but I like my parents and I want to continue to be close...but I think not telling them will drive a wedge and telling them will drive a wedge...but will it go away is the question?  Oh, these are the days of our lives....

Is that a gay foot in your mouth?

Oh Brett Ratner, you have offended the gays in Hollywood - Whoopsy - I don't know his personal belief system so I'm not going to chime in...but a quote I saw says it best. 

Of Ratner's resignation, veteran film producer and academy member Mark Canton said: "We live in a time when you have to be really careful about what you say, and say it in a way that's appropriate when you take the responsibility of a public job. On the other hand, it's a very fine line because, let's put it this way — most people … mean well. They just have to be smart about how they say things."

The word is offensive and it's hard to justify saying it at all...I commend his well worded apology that doesn't seem to be riddled with excuses...he's taking ownership...he stepped down from his Oscar producing job...and that's probably the best thing he could have done outside of not saying what he said. 

Penn State - The Penn might be short for Penitentiary....

Lez be friends? No---K.

Oh Penn State, I've learned so much about you in the past 4 days and it is not pretty...no sir, not at all.

One of the sources of my coming out inspiration came this weekend while watching the documentary Training Rules about discrimination against lesbians within the Penn State women's basketball organization during Rene Portland's tenure.  The story is mostly focused on Jen Harris who filed suit against Portland, the Tim Curley (Athletic Director) and others...but there are also some other former basketball players who fell victim to Portland's zero tolerance lesbian policy over the years.  I was enraged that this could go on for years and an entire institution turned a blind eye - she got to keep her job, she ruined people's lives b/c of her fear and insecurity - I find that disheartening but I find the courage of Jen Harris and other former players and coaches inspiring so I'll use that to conquer my own fear and insecurity -

After watching the documentary on Sunday, I found it rather timely or maybe the people at Logo found it timely to run the show (very chicken or egg without an inside scoop) when the first story I read on Monday morning is about trouble at Penn State - a former associate football coach is in trouble for child molestation - not only that but Tim Curley and other athletic staff members knew about it or had knowledge of it but didn't do much IF anything about it - THEN lied to the grand jury - well now they're all in trouble - even Paterno is being encouraged to step down since an incident was reported to him in 2002 - he did his minimal due diligence and told the athletic director's office...which leads me to wonder - if you thought there was enough merit to report it - why in the world would you not follow up?  I think firing the dude would have been my next step but maybe that's just me...I just know I couldn't work with a person that was even rumored to have committed these acts without thinking, worrying and even looking for signs every day.  I would have been watching the dude like a hawk - so for Coach Paterno to say that he reported it, end of story, washed his hands of it...I call bull shit. 

This just in: Paterno will retire at the end of the season....I think that is the best of scenarios for this football legend. 

Let's hope Penn State can rebuild their athletics department with some decent folks so their athletic department can have a chance to thrive.

The Kiddie Diddler, Sandusky

Where exactly have I been?!?!

I have been mostly in a technological and big brother monitored black hole of nothingness...


This is a black hole.

What that really means is that - my IPhone 4 was stolen and my modem at home was malfunctioning but costumer service would not listen leaving me technologically stunted for a few months and also most of the websites that I like to peruse have been blocked at work.  So once again, I am overly informed by the media on news matters, if you consider Kim Kardashian's divorce newsworthy...Internet has been restored and a friend let me borrow her IPhone 3G until I can upgrade in December. 

During my time in isolation, I did manage to find the online lesbian magazine, Autostraddle.com  to read during office hours -which led me to Girl/Girl Scene so I had to watch that in its entirety.  But what I've really gained from reading Autostraddle is a little bit of courage to come out - and to start preparing to come out to my parents.  It's been a few years in the making but now I need to make a plan. 

I need to come out for me, my relationship and the relationship with my parents.  I have picked a date in December so I am just going to be preparing myself physically, mentally and emotionally.  My inspiration has come from a few other sources as well so I'll be sharing those in additional posts as well.

Southwest Airlines, Fly the Unfriendly Skies...

...If Southwest hadn't already told Kevin Smith he was too fat...and told Billy Joe Armstrong to hike up his pants...I would probably think this was an isolated incident involving one flight attendant with a stick up their butt (even though I would have rolled my eyes at any PDA, gay, straight, or stuffed animal snuggle)...but it seems that Southwest is a little strict...maybe rightly so given the scrutiny the airplane industry and TSA are under because of lax security measures...but a kiss and overweight dude don't rise to the level of deplaning in my humble opinion (which is worth roughly half a cent and in this economy, probably less).  I don't believe celebrities should receive preferential treatment...but if three people who are extremely visible have had these experiences...how many people without daily media attention have experienced this treatment?  Also makes me wonder what ever happened to the motto "the customer is always right"?  

I do understand that flying is not a right and the airline is within their authority to have rules and policy measures...It does sound like being argumentative is what caused at least two of the deplaning incidents BUT I think any person trying to get from Point A to Point B would get a little testy if they were minding their beeswax and someone told them how to dress or that their display of affection was inappropriate...it definitely would put me somewhere in between embarassed and defensive...which could end in a lashing out...to save face if nothing else...but the point is that the flight attendant said that the plane was family friendly...meaning two girls kissing is not...so since we weren't there to witness the event...Southwest we'll be watching social media for more incidents...

And I'll close with this L Word clip which for some reason I immediately thought of when I read about the ladies of Uh Huh Her getting kicked off the plane.

Southwest not "Family" friendly - From People.com

She kissed a girl – and says Southwest Airlines didn't like it.

Actress Leisha Hailey, who starred on the Showtime series The L Word, went on a Twitter tirade Monday, furiously alleging that she and her girlfriend were escorted off of a Southwest flight for kissing each other.

"I have been discriminated against by @SouthwestAir," Hailey Tweeted. "Flt. attendant said that it was a "family" airline and kissing was not ok."

Criticizing the airline for staffing "homophobic employees," Hailey, 40, added: "Since when is showing affection towards someone you love illegal? I want to know what Southwest Airlines considers as 'family.' I know plenty of wonderful same sex families I would like to introduce them to. Boycott @SouthwestAir if you are gay. They don't like us."

The airline posted a statement late Monday, saying: "We received several passenger complaints characterizing the behavior as excessive."

"Our crew, responsible for the comfort of all customers on board, approached the passengers based solely on behavior and not gender," the statement continued. "The conversation escalated to a level that was better resolved on the ground, as opposed to in flight."

This isn't the first incident involving celebrities flying on Southwest. Last year, actor-director Kevin Smith was booted from a flight after the airline told him he was too large to safely occupy on seat. And just weeks ago, Green Day singer Billie Joe Armstrong said he was removed from a flight because his pants sagged too low.

But, hey, at least bags fly free.

Was it a case of an inappropriate making out or just plain ol' discrimination?  I'd like to see the video playback is all I'm saying...ha ha...if Southwest is indeed discriminating - Shame, shame - Making out on an airplane is far too much PDA for me but seeing two people happy to be flying the friendly skies together and sharing a few kisses would not offend...and who doesn't want to see two girls in love???  Either way...I'm sure all will be eye ballin' Southwest Airlines for a while...

Miley gives equality the finger....

In a good way...Miley thinks "all love is equal"....I couldn't agree more with her...apparently some of her fans don't feel the same way but Miss Cyrus is not backing down...so I applaud her for her stance equality...



dating, mating and moving forward

So. Here's the deal. I suck at this whole relationship ring-around-the-roses thing. I've gone through the entire internal battle and mental workout trying to register the reasons why I am so bad at it but I think the main one is that I have a hard time reading people- especially women. You'd think by nearly 30 I'd have this little life skill down, but embarrassingly enough, I don't! So here's a running dialogue as to what goes on in my head when it comes to dating, mating and moving forward...

1. Is this a friend date? vs. Is this a DATE date?: You're in a bar/restaurant/work/whatever water cooler you sip out of, and you are chatting with hottie mcnaughty. After exchanging pleasantries one of you suggest you "grab a drink" or "grab a coffee" (for you non-drinkers out there). You exchange digits and walk away wondering whether this is a date or just a friend date?! Hello, there's nothing there indicating what it is one way or another...so do you spend the requisite hour and nerves getting ready before your drink? Or do you play it cool?

2. The first kiss. Is she going to kiss me? Should I kiss her? I realize this dance is as old as time but seriously, if you want to be on the make out dance card and it hasn't happened then...JUST DO IT! One of my best first kisses happened in the following manner:

We were at her house, we had just fixed our plates and we were about to sit down and watch a movie. I had a plate in my hand and was starting to move to the couch when she looked at me and says something to the effect of: "Let's just get this out of the way." Then, she kissed the wonder-what's-gonna-happened right out of me.

I appreciated her upfront approach and her matter-of-fact approach has made me chuckle a few times when reflecting on that first kiss...

3. So, you've had your 3rd date, your 1st kiss, what's next? Seriously. You know you like the girl but you're not in any rush to jump into a "let's hangout every single second we get" situation. You don't have the time, she doesn't have the time and really, isn't that what tends to earn lesbians the "fast movin', u-haulin'" reputation? So, do you wait one day to call? Two days to call? Three days? Wait for her to call you? I'm going to go ahead and step out on a limb and say the last one is a bad idea. I generally try to hold off for at least a day or two before making plans. I will drop a text to let her know I'm thinking about her/it/the magnificent time we had/getting down and dirty....(come on, we all have needs) If she wants to hang out, then she'll get back to you and date 2,3,4,5...will happen.

4. Sex. I generally just let this portion just happen but truthfully my prudish angel and my perverted devil are constantly at war with one another. I mean, I'm not easy, but I'm also not going to give it up the first time (well, I say this but I will admit to having a few drunken disasters back in my younger days)...I fear falling off the tightrope of sexual tension at the exact wrong part.

5. The discussion. I was discussing the "discussion" with one of my guy friends and we were commiserating on what moment was the "right" moment to actually move from dating to dating exclusively. Is it necessary to actually say it? I would prefer not to but I also don't want to be keeping my poonani out off the playing field if she is putting out like a water fountain...just sayin'. Plus, and more importantly, (and also belongs in point 4) at some point before swapping fluids, you HAVE TO HAVE THE STD/SAFE SEX/DENTAL DAM discussion...it's uncomfortable but it is necessary. I'm not trying to get both my heart and my vag ruined in one feld stupid swoop.

I have been dating, mating and moving forward within the les community for about 10 years now and I still have questions. If anyone has any meaning full insight or pure drivel that they'd like to share, please comment!

- sincerely,

lilfruityfondle.

Pocket lint...and concert memories

Is that Amy Ray's pick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?  Oh, it is Amy Ray's pick...

Forgotten souvenir from a fall 2010 Amy Ray show at Arlington Drafthouse....found in my blue cardigan today...it made me smile so I thought I'd share!

She.....

Because I miss her when she is away...

Weiner's weiner?!? Oh, yes it is....

Since Rep. Weiner isn't the first person to ever be hacked digitally send out his junk and flirt with an alleged lady online...nor the first New York house member to have scandalous social networking behavior exposed (Rep. Chris Lee)...nor his he the first notable person to allegedly send a naughty picture of himself (Brett Favre)...then the exposure of his actions shouldn't be that surprising...I think we all need to step away from the mirror, put down the camera phone...and go back to making secret rendezvous type meetings and sending letters with no return address...and having real life (but safe) sex in person not in cyber space (even though the only STDs spread are computer viruses) or show some personal restraint...Am I reaching for the stars here?  Probably...

It's not like I've never been sent a dirty photo but it is not the smartest activity to engage in...The interweb is not the place to be exposing yourself (which is of course, ironic b/c I write thereby exposing myself)...but I am talking in pictures kiddies...that sext or email you just sent to your boyfriend of your hoo-ha may seem as innocent as sending a dirty picture can actually be...but those messages do not self destruct...they live on forever and ever...hacking, spiteful behavior, accidents and even bragging happens...I for one don't want to go online one day to see any part of my naked body...it is bad enough that I can't control what unflattering pictures my friends post of me...And like Rep. Weiner, I might not know if it's me (but now I know he lied)...eek...I'm still not convinced I'd be able to point out my junk in a line up...I'm serious...then there is the added risk of sending a photo to someone you've never met...maybe even the Craiglist killer...How embarrassing would it be to be hacked up over a boob snapshot?  Of course, I wouldn't be here to tell the tale but my momma would know I was soliciting sex on the interweb...If your dad is a Congressman then chances are, you just sent your junk to your dad...So to protect these wobbly bits from prying eyes and twitter scandal...no digital media shall they encounter on my watch!  I'll just buy porn and look at dirty magazines like they did in the olden days...or use my memory and imagination...

So ladies, gentlemen and any literate fur friends - quit taking pictures of your junk!  Quit sexting and emailing strangers!  I guess though if you never intend on a political career or being famous...then maybe it doesn't matter who sees your junk...but I think you should leave it to the professionals...

lilfruityfondle: wonder how big it is
OhHeyGay: ha ha
lilfruityfondle: is it a cocktail weiner or a braut

OhHeyGay: lil' smokie

Wanda Sykes on Coming out...

Sykes publicly came out in November 2008 at a rally after California voters passed Proposition 8, a ban on same-sex marriage. She gave an impromptu speech at the event, which she told Morgan she had "no intentions" of making.

"I kind of shocked myself," the comedian told the CNN host. "I was in the middle of it, and it was from anger."

Wanda Sykes is one talented funny lady...and she's a woman who found the strength to come out...to me reading coming stories is inspiring and adds to my strength...

Yay for gay...

Yay for Gay! All the way!

This post was inspired by a secret on the Post Secret website this week...Looking back...I was overly supportive of my gay friends to keep me from ever looking at myself...even as a child I was overly protective of Boy George...I defended his fashion choices when others plainly stated he dressed like a girl...he's gay they would say...I'm not even sure I had a concept of gay at that age...It sounded like he was in trouble for being gay so I retorted, "No, he's not!"...I knew Boy George was just being Boy George...he was an artist and he had chosen his music and himself as the canvas...or that's what I told people at the naive age of 9 or so.  I guess Boy George was the first gay man in my life...

By my senior year of high school...most of my friends were gay...most of the boys who had once been my boyfriend now had boyfriends of their own...I didn't mind but I never bothered to ask myself why I didn't care...I mostly just thought I must be a loving and compassionate person...I didn't mind being a beard for prom or being the best buddy...it all felt natural and safe...I was a high school fag hag and I liked it...I never worried that anyone thought I was gay and if they did so what...I knew I wasn't...I was just very progressive and a wonderful true friend...

I don't know why I really never thought to look at myself...oblivious or just in plain denial...I don't regret the path I took getting to know myself...it is a long road but as they say or at least Frank Sinatra did..."I did it my way"...

PostSecret.com 5/22/11

Two Women, Two Babies, One Family | Real Simple

I read this article last week - thought it was a cute story so I was telling it to my lady friend whilst we were out shopping Sunday afternoon - She guessed the ending thereby spoiling my storytelling fun...but it is still a wonderful story of love, ladies and babies!  Click to read more ----> Two Women, Two Babies, One Family Real Simple

Blake Shelton apologizes for offending gays on Twitter

(PEOPLE) -- Blake Shelton stuck his boot in his mouth, but now "The Voice" coach is apologizing.
It all started when Shelton, 34, tweeted on Tuesday his own version of a Shania Twain song: "Any man that tries touching my behind, he's gonna be a beaten, bleedin,' heaving kind of guy."
Within hours, the country crooner, who is engaged to Miranda Lambert, was attacked by a slew of angry Tweeters, along with GLAAD, which wrote, "No, @BlakeShelton -- violent, anti-gay statements are not what a woman wants. Apologize now. #LGBT #gay #thevoice @NBCTheVoice."
Shelton later apologized on the social networking site for what he called a "misunderstanding with the whole re-write on the Shania song."
"It honestly wasn't even meant that way," he wrote. "I now know that their (sic) are people out there waiting to jump at everything I say on here or anywhere. But when it comes to gay/lesbian rights or just feelings... I love everybody. So go look for a real villain and leave me out of it!!!"
Shelton later added, "@glaad hey I want my fans and @nbcthevoice fans to know that anti-gay and lesbian violence is unacceptable!!!!!"
GLAAD eventually forgave Shelton, posting a statement from the organization's president on its Web site. "Following outrage from community members and allies, Blake Shelton took the right step in speaking out against anti-gay violence and sending an important message to his fans and viewers of 'The Voice.'"

It's really hard to be funny or silly when the whole entire world judges what you say...even in my own Twitter account, I have to be very careful...It's interesting how we relate to celebrities but we don't really know their hearts or minds...It obviously bothered the guy or he would not have continued to think about it and tweet about it...happens to me all the time...I say something and then realize that it could be construed in a way that isn't so friendly...and then I chew on it for hours or even days...Also, if someone touches my behind without asking (male or female), I'm not guaranteeing I wouldn't pitch a fit!...and if I were quick witted enough at the time...I might pull out Blake's lyrics!

Cargo Shorts and J-irts - An Introduction to Me!

Being a lesbian is not all camo cargo shorts and jean shirts...That seems funny to say (or type) but where I'm from there is a fine line between lesbian and red neck - My friends and I even came up with a gay starter kit which included:

• Camouflage cargo shorts
• Wife beater
• Coors Light
• Haircut (Mullet Optional)
• I'd throw in a sports bra too.

Obviously, our starter kit also could be marketed to trailer parks and most of North Carolina (I keed)...While there is obviously a bit of truth in stereotyping...I actually don't own a pair of camo cargo shorts but I did own my fair share of madras plaid cargo shorts which still have strong support amongst the lesbian crowd as evidenced by any outdoor concert or festival widely attended by the lesbian population...but I'm a label whore so they had to be Brooks Brothers or Ralph Lauren - I did have some Old Navy but they rarely saw the outside of my house unless I was at a party in someone's backyard - I'm not claiming to be fashionable at ALL!  I am more classic than anything...give me a nice Ralph Lauren button down shirt and a pair of jeans w/ loafers any day of the week - I'm a happy girl...I don't own a jean shirt either...but I personally have no place for a jean shirt in my wardrobe...I like to wear my jean on my bottom half...I will not be a vision in denim from head to toe!

So while I do find mullets and jean shirts to be amusing, I don't begrudge anyone their personal style...

My point, and I do have one...is being gay whether you're a teenager or you take the long road into adulthood before coming out...finding your identity can be difficult...I wore baggy plaid shorts for a period of time because I was trying to make a statement...I had arrived in the community...I was looking for my voice...trying to figure it all out...don't get me wrong - cargo shorts are super comfy and will probably maintain a place in my wardrobe - but when I decided to kiss a girl - that did not mean anything about me as a person needed to change...but even the most self confident of people stumble sometimes...especially when in unfamiliar territory...but as they say, "It Gets Better" -

Me - I guess I always knew I was different...just wasn't quite sure how - There wasn't anything about me outwardly that was different...and it took me well into my late 20s to even really figure it out...so while I work on getting all of my body parts out of this walk-in closet I built...I'll share...attempt to be humorous...and even timely on my current events...



Lesbian or Redneck? I don't know!