Out-spiration comes in all kinds of packages

Oh, Out-spiration - in the form of Real L Word's Kelsey Chavarria.  I have a guilty pleasure and it is the Real L Word - Ok, really anything with a lesbian themed storyline...But the Real L Word isn't really the "Real L World" I live in so I find it to be a little lacking in diversity...but I was a huge L Word fan and will continue to watch The Real L Word until something better comes along...who I am kidding, I'll continue to watch it until they stop making new seasons...So today I was once again reading Autostraddle.com and stumbled across an interview with Kelsey Chavarria in which she talks about coming out...It sounds like she had some of the same fears and anxiety that I still face about telling my parents.  Here is what she had to say:

When did you come out?

Well, I knew I was gay probably at a young age. I’m gonna say probably around twelve or thirteen years old. And from there I went to high school in Germany but never came out, but I was always dealing with this inner turmoil, of course. Finally when I moved to California, I got involved with musical theater and my best friend Andrew he was the one that kind of showed me around and I could confide in him cause he was a gay man.  At first I came out as a bisexual and I did a lot of experimenting to figure out who I was as a person. I just came to the realization that I’m gay and I don’t want to be with a man.

How did your parents react?

I was scared to death how they would take it. And me, you know, I’m religious myself. I consider myself a Christian. And I consider myself full of faith. I was dealing with it in ways that weren’t the best…  a lot of drinking to kind of numb what I was going through. I finally came out to my mom when she was dropping me off at the NOH8 Campaign photoshoot.

So, she’s driving me there she’s said “Kelsey, are you dating any men?” and I said “No. You know. No one’s really stuck my fancy.” Something like that.  And then finally there had been so much tension and it’s something that I’d been feeling for such a long period of time that I finally just came out and said “Yes, I’m gay.” And my mom kind of gives me a double look. And I felt a sense of relief that it was out there. At the same point I felt that I was scared just for the way that they might look at me. I still wanted them to see me as Kelsey – their girl that’s fun and outgoing and not weird, you know. Which I feel like a lot of girls go through… they don’t want to look different. They don’t want someone they love to look at them in an awful way. That’s how I came out and that was age 21, a little over two years ago.

Sometimes I too feel like I just want to say it in- I feel like any sort of tension I have would just deflate.  I too worry about the way my parents will look at me...and that's my biggest worry.  I know they love me and I know that won't change...but I like my parents and I want to continue to be close...but I think not telling them will drive a wedge and telling them will drive a wedge...but will it go away is the question?  Oh, these are the days of our lives....