Glee Outspiration...

So Santana didn't choose to be outed...but sometimes I just wish someone would save me the trouble...please do not take this as an endorsement or suggestion to be outed...just sometimes wish it would happen on accident...sort of serendipitous...although happiness might not be immediate...

Out-spiration comes in all kinds of packages

Oh, Out-spiration - in the form of Real L Word's Kelsey Chavarria.  I have a guilty pleasure and it is the Real L Word - Ok, really anything with a lesbian themed storyline...But the Real L Word isn't really the "Real L World" I live in so I find it to be a little lacking in diversity...but I was a huge L Word fan and will continue to watch The Real L Word until something better comes along...who I am kidding, I'll continue to watch it until they stop making new seasons...So today I was once again reading Autostraddle.com and stumbled across an interview with Kelsey Chavarria in which she talks about coming out...It sounds like she had some of the same fears and anxiety that I still face about telling my parents.  Here is what she had to say:

When did you come out?

Well, I knew I was gay probably at a young age. I’m gonna say probably around twelve or thirteen years old. And from there I went to high school in Germany but never came out, but I was always dealing with this inner turmoil, of course. Finally when I moved to California, I got involved with musical theater and my best friend Andrew he was the one that kind of showed me around and I could confide in him cause he was a gay man.  At first I came out as a bisexual and I did a lot of experimenting to figure out who I was as a person. I just came to the realization that I’m gay and I don’t want to be with a man.

How did your parents react?

I was scared to death how they would take it. And me, you know, I’m religious myself. I consider myself a Christian. And I consider myself full of faith. I was dealing with it in ways that weren’t the best…  a lot of drinking to kind of numb what I was going through. I finally came out to my mom when she was dropping me off at the NOH8 Campaign photoshoot.

So, she’s driving me there she’s said “Kelsey, are you dating any men?” and I said “No. You know. No one’s really stuck my fancy.” Something like that.  And then finally there had been so much tension and it’s something that I’d been feeling for such a long period of time that I finally just came out and said “Yes, I’m gay.” And my mom kind of gives me a double look. And I felt a sense of relief that it was out there. At the same point I felt that I was scared just for the way that they might look at me. I still wanted them to see me as Kelsey – their girl that’s fun and outgoing and not weird, you know. Which I feel like a lot of girls go through… they don’t want to look different. They don’t want someone they love to look at them in an awful way. That’s how I came out and that was age 21, a little over two years ago.

Sometimes I too feel like I just want to say it in- I feel like any sort of tension I have would just deflate.  I too worry about the way my parents will look at me...and that's my biggest worry.  I know they love me and I know that won't change...but I like my parents and I want to continue to be close...but I think not telling them will drive a wedge and telling them will drive a wedge...but will it go away is the question?  Oh, these are the days of our lives....

Is that a gay foot in your mouth?

Oh Brett Ratner, you have offended the gays in Hollywood - Whoopsy - I don't know his personal belief system so I'm not going to chime in...but a quote I saw says it best. 

Of Ratner's resignation, veteran film producer and academy member Mark Canton said: "We live in a time when you have to be really careful about what you say, and say it in a way that's appropriate when you take the responsibility of a public job. On the other hand, it's a very fine line because, let's put it this way — most people … mean well. They just have to be smart about how they say things."

The word is offensive and it's hard to justify saying it at all...I commend his well worded apology that doesn't seem to be riddled with excuses...he's taking ownership...he stepped down from his Oscar producing job...and that's probably the best thing he could have done outside of not saying what he said. 

Penn State - The Penn might be short for Penitentiary....

Lez be friends? No---K.

Oh Penn State, I've learned so much about you in the past 4 days and it is not pretty...no sir, not at all.

One of the sources of my coming out inspiration came this weekend while watching the documentary Training Rules about discrimination against lesbians within the Penn State women's basketball organization during Rene Portland's tenure.  The story is mostly focused on Jen Harris who filed suit against Portland, the Tim Curley (Athletic Director) and others...but there are also some other former basketball players who fell victim to Portland's zero tolerance lesbian policy over the years.  I was enraged that this could go on for years and an entire institution turned a blind eye - she got to keep her job, she ruined people's lives b/c of her fear and insecurity - I find that disheartening but I find the courage of Jen Harris and other former players and coaches inspiring so I'll use that to conquer my own fear and insecurity -

After watching the documentary on Sunday, I found it rather timely or maybe the people at Logo found it timely to run the show (very chicken or egg without an inside scoop) when the first story I read on Monday morning is about trouble at Penn State - a former associate football coach is in trouble for child molestation - not only that but Tim Curley and other athletic staff members knew about it or had knowledge of it but didn't do much IF anything about it - THEN lied to the grand jury - well now they're all in trouble - even Paterno is being encouraged to step down since an incident was reported to him in 2002 - he did his minimal due diligence and told the athletic director's office...which leads me to wonder - if you thought there was enough merit to report it - why in the world would you not follow up?  I think firing the dude would have been my next step but maybe that's just me...I just know I couldn't work with a person that was even rumored to have committed these acts without thinking, worrying and even looking for signs every day.  I would have been watching the dude like a hawk - so for Coach Paterno to say that he reported it, end of story, washed his hands of it...I call bull shit. 

This just in: Paterno will retire at the end of the season....I think that is the best of scenarios for this football legend. 

Let's hope Penn State can rebuild their athletics department with some decent folks so their athletic department can have a chance to thrive.

The Kiddie Diddler, Sandusky

Where exactly have I been?!?!

I have been mostly in a technological and big brother monitored black hole of nothingness...


This is a black hole.

What that really means is that - my IPhone 4 was stolen and my modem at home was malfunctioning but costumer service would not listen leaving me technologically stunted for a few months and also most of the websites that I like to peruse have been blocked at work.  So once again, I am overly informed by the media on news matters, if you consider Kim Kardashian's divorce newsworthy...Internet has been restored and a friend let me borrow her IPhone 3G until I can upgrade in December. 

During my time in isolation, I did manage to find the online lesbian magazine, Autostraddle.com  to read during office hours -which led me to Girl/Girl Scene so I had to watch that in its entirety.  But what I've really gained from reading Autostraddle is a little bit of courage to come out - and to start preparing to come out to my parents.  It's been a few years in the making but now I need to make a plan. 

I need to come out for me, my relationship and the relationship with my parents.  I have picked a date in December so I am just going to be preparing myself physically, mentally and emotionally.  My inspiration has come from a few other sources as well so I'll be sharing those in additional posts as well.