dating, mating and moving forward

So. Here's the deal. I suck at this whole relationship ring-around-the-roses thing. I've gone through the entire internal battle and mental workout trying to register the reasons why I am so bad at it but I think the main one is that I have a hard time reading people- especially women. You'd think by nearly 30 I'd have this little life skill down, but embarrassingly enough, I don't! So here's a running dialogue as to what goes on in my head when it comes to dating, mating and moving forward...

1. Is this a friend date? vs. Is this a DATE date?: You're in a bar/restaurant/work/whatever water cooler you sip out of, and you are chatting with hottie mcnaughty. After exchanging pleasantries one of you suggest you "grab a drink" or "grab a coffee" (for you non-drinkers out there). You exchange digits and walk away wondering whether this is a date or just a friend date?! Hello, there's nothing there indicating what it is one way or another...so do you spend the requisite hour and nerves getting ready before your drink? Or do you play it cool?

2. The first kiss. Is she going to kiss me? Should I kiss her? I realize this dance is as old as time but seriously, if you want to be on the make out dance card and it hasn't happened then...JUST DO IT! One of my best first kisses happened in the following manner:

We were at her house, we had just fixed our plates and we were about to sit down and watch a movie. I had a plate in my hand and was starting to move to the couch when she looked at me and says something to the effect of: "Let's just get this out of the way." Then, she kissed the wonder-what's-gonna-happened right out of me.

I appreciated her upfront approach and her matter-of-fact approach has made me chuckle a few times when reflecting on that first kiss...

3. So, you've had your 3rd date, your 1st kiss, what's next? Seriously. You know you like the girl but you're not in any rush to jump into a "let's hangout every single second we get" situation. You don't have the time, she doesn't have the time and really, isn't that what tends to earn lesbians the "fast movin', u-haulin'" reputation? So, do you wait one day to call? Two days to call? Three days? Wait for her to call you? I'm going to go ahead and step out on a limb and say the last one is a bad idea. I generally try to hold off for at least a day or two before making plans. I will drop a text to let her know I'm thinking about her/it/the magnificent time we had/getting down and dirty....(come on, we all have needs) If she wants to hang out, then she'll get back to you and date 2,3,4,5...will happen.

4. Sex. I generally just let this portion just happen but truthfully my prudish angel and my perverted devil are constantly at war with one another. I mean, I'm not easy, but I'm also not going to give it up the first time (well, I say this but I will admit to having a few drunken disasters back in my younger days)...I fear falling off the tightrope of sexual tension at the exact wrong part.

5. The discussion. I was discussing the "discussion" with one of my guy friends and we were commiserating on what moment was the "right" moment to actually move from dating to dating exclusively. Is it necessary to actually say it? I would prefer not to but I also don't want to be keeping my poonani out off the playing field if she is putting out like a water fountain...just sayin'. Plus, and more importantly, (and also belongs in point 4) at some point before swapping fluids, you HAVE TO HAVE THE STD/SAFE SEX/DENTAL DAM discussion...it's uncomfortable but it is necessary. I'm not trying to get both my heart and my vag ruined in one feld stupid swoop.

I have been dating, mating and moving forward within the les community for about 10 years now and I still have questions. If anyone has any meaning full insight or pure drivel that they'd like to share, please comment!

- sincerely,

lilfruityfondle.

Pocket lint...and concert memories

Is that Amy Ray's pick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?  Oh, it is Amy Ray's pick...

Forgotten souvenir from a fall 2010 Amy Ray show at Arlington Drafthouse....found in my blue cardigan today...it made me smile so I thought I'd share!

She.....

Because I miss her when she is away...

Weiner's weiner?!? Oh, yes it is....

Since Rep. Weiner isn't the first person to ever be hacked digitally send out his junk and flirt with an alleged lady online...nor the first New York house member to have scandalous social networking behavior exposed (Rep. Chris Lee)...nor his he the first notable person to allegedly send a naughty picture of himself (Brett Favre)...then the exposure of his actions shouldn't be that surprising...I think we all need to step away from the mirror, put down the camera phone...and go back to making secret rendezvous type meetings and sending letters with no return address...and having real life (but safe) sex in person not in cyber space (even though the only STDs spread are computer viruses) or show some personal restraint...Am I reaching for the stars here?  Probably...

It's not like I've never been sent a dirty photo but it is not the smartest activity to engage in...The interweb is not the place to be exposing yourself (which is of course, ironic b/c I write thereby exposing myself)...but I am talking in pictures kiddies...that sext or email you just sent to your boyfriend of your hoo-ha may seem as innocent as sending a dirty picture can actually be...but those messages do not self destruct...they live on forever and ever...hacking, spiteful behavior, accidents and even bragging happens...I for one don't want to go online one day to see any part of my naked body...it is bad enough that I can't control what unflattering pictures my friends post of me...And like Rep. Weiner, I might not know if it's me (but now I know he lied)...eek...I'm still not convinced I'd be able to point out my junk in a line up...I'm serious...then there is the added risk of sending a photo to someone you've never met...maybe even the Craiglist killer...How embarrassing would it be to be hacked up over a boob snapshot?  Of course, I wouldn't be here to tell the tale but my momma would know I was soliciting sex on the interweb...If your dad is a Congressman then chances are, you just sent your junk to your dad...So to protect these wobbly bits from prying eyes and twitter scandal...no digital media shall they encounter on my watch!  I'll just buy porn and look at dirty magazines like they did in the olden days...or use my memory and imagination...

So ladies, gentlemen and any literate fur friends - quit taking pictures of your junk!  Quit sexting and emailing strangers!  I guess though if you never intend on a political career or being famous...then maybe it doesn't matter who sees your junk...but I think you should leave it to the professionals...

lilfruityfondle: wonder how big it is
OhHeyGay: ha ha
lilfruityfondle: is it a cocktail weiner or a braut

OhHeyGay: lil' smokie

Wanda Sykes on Coming out...

Sykes publicly came out in November 2008 at a rally after California voters passed Proposition 8, a ban on same-sex marriage. She gave an impromptu speech at the event, which she told Morgan she had "no intentions" of making.

"I kind of shocked myself," the comedian told the CNN host. "I was in the middle of it, and it was from anger."

Wanda Sykes is one talented funny lady...and she's a woman who found the strength to come out...to me reading coming stories is inspiring and adds to my strength...

Yay for gay...